


Aqua Teen Titans Go: Dickesode

by NoMoreVillains



Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Teen Titans Go!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreVillains/pseuds/NoMoreVillains
Summary: Beast Boy's dick is threatened when he wins a "prize" at Wong Burger's that enables Wong's to rip his dick off and use it to make a giant dick ship for Wong Burger to return to Dick Planet.





	Aqua Teen Titans Go: Dickesode

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright: Adult Swim and Cartoon Network

Raven, Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy carried out soda cups the size of a station wagon out a new restaurant that just opened up, Wong Burger's...while Robin walked out with a cart made out of fortune cookies. "Whoo," he said. "Were those things heavy or what?"

"Damn it, Dick," Raven shouted. "Did you have to buy the super sized trough?"

Robin tipped one of the cups so he could drink from its straw. "My drinking is essential." Slurp. "Ah, that's good." Slurp. "And I need 85..." Sluuuurrrrrp. "...gallons of soda per day and plus..." Sluuurrrp. Slurp. Slurp. "...it comes with an edible hand truck!" He patted the cart then took a bite out of it. "The tyres are chocolate."

"Hey, dudes," Beast Boy said. "Check this out! Rip it and win cups!" He turned into a bear, lifted the cup up and tore its bottom off, spilling its contents all over the street. But he didn't care. "Yo, check this out! 'Twenty cents off my next order of wasabi fries'," he read the bottom of the cup. "All right! See, they inject the fries with wasabi sauce..."

"I know," Raven said. "We saw the commercial. And they're not good. Let's see what I got." She used her powers to rip the bottom off her cup, also spilling her drink. "What do you know. 'Twenty cents off my next order of wasabi fries.' Yay." she said dryly.

"Ooh, my turn," Cyborg said. He turned his hand into a buzz saw and cut the bottom off his cup, spilling its contents as well. "'Twenty cents off my next order of the wasabi fries!'"

"You see," said Beast Boy. "They fill the sauce with wasabi fries..."

"WE KNOW!" Robin shouted.

"Fine, dude. You, Star! See what you win!"

"With pleasure," Starfire said, blasting the cup with her star bolts. Soda splashed over everyone. Then the bottom of the cup landed on her. "'Tonight,'" she read. "'You will get your the dick ripped off. Please pass this to the closest male customer if you are a female.'" Her giddy smile was replaced with a confused frown. "That doesn't sound right."

"Let me see that. Maybe you didn't read that correctly," said Raven. "'Tonight, you will get your dick ripped off. Please pass this to the closest male customer if you are a female.'" Nope. She didn't misread it.

"Is Robin getting the dick ripped off prize?" asked Starfire. "His name is Dick."

Robin instantly panicked. "They're not talking about Dick as in Richard. They're talking about the other kind of dick! As in groin! Crotch! Penis!"

"So," said Starfire, still confused. "Robin gets to rip his the Richard off?"

"NO!"

"Dude," Beast Boy said, taking the cup bottom away from Starfire. "Nobody's getting their dicks ripped off!" Then his eyes widened, realizing his horrible mistake. "OH, NO!" He tried to pass the bottom off to Cyborg and Robin but they backed away from him like he had a plague. "Please! You got to help me! Take it! Please, take it!"

"No," Robin said. "I wanna keep my Richard!"

Cyborg punched him away. "Take your death shroud and go away!"

(!)

Back in Titan's Tower, the Titans watched a commercial for Wong Burger's on the central computer. It featured two guys in front of the restaurant and were holding a soda cup. "Just grab the bottom of the cup," said one of them. "Rip it and win!"

"Prizes include a new car and a discount on teriyaki fries," the second man said.

"At Wong Burger's, when it's right, it's wong!"

"Somecustomersmaygettheirdicksrippedoff."

"Hey, rewind that," Robin said.

"What?" asked Beast Boy. "About the teriyaki fries?"

"No, no, no, no. The last part. The low, fast part. Computer, rewind that bit one more time."

"Complying," said the computer and rewound the last part. "Somecustomersmaygettheirdicksrippedoff."

"I knew he said that," Robin said. "I KNEW he said that!"

"What?" asked Beast Boy. "About the teriyaki fries?"

Suddenly, the sound of a motor boat coming toward the tower made Raven look out the window. Outside, on the shores of the island, a motor boat came to a halt. "Uh, oh," Raven said when she saw strange people step out and knock on the tower's door. "Beast Boy, hide."

"I ain't running from nobody, mama," he said. "Just who is out there?"

Raven looked down. "I don't know. But they got sharp hooks and long necklaces made out of dicks."

Beast Boy turned pale. "Uh, just to be safe, I'm going to hide. It's not like I can't take on those guys, but I feel like..."

"Wait, I know the perfect place," Starfire said. "Come!"

(!)

She led him to Raven's closet; it's door had the words, "Do NOT open! Danger!" written on it. "Get in here." she said as she opened the door, revealing a room of gurgling and quivering flesh. "No one would ever look in here. No one even dares to go in here."

Beast Boy slowly started to walk away. "I don't know."

"Just do the it." And she pushed Beast Boy into the closet and closed the door. A second later, the closet upchucked him out. That's when Raven came into her room and slammed the closet before turning to glare at Starfire. "I told you, this closet is NOT meant to be opened! It is a horrible, horrible place in there!"

"Well, there is the a knob there," said Starfire.

"Why do you think I put the sign on it?! Did you think I was just being cute?!"

Suddenly, the elevator dinged, indicating it was reaching their floor. "Ding, dong! The dick is dead, Beast Boy," Cyborg called out.

Beast Boy let out a shriek. "Help me, please!"

"Hide in here," Raven said, opening her cape. "The inner darkness of my cloak acts as my pockets. Get in." Beast Boy dove into the cape and disappeared into the darkness.

Then the elevator door opened, and out came two strange characters. They looked like walking grains of rice with stereotypical Asian features: squinty eyes and buck teeth and, like Raven pointed out, were wearing long necklaces made out of dicks and cone straw hats and were carrying sharp hooks.

"Uh," said Robin. "Can we help you?"

"Yes, you can!" One of the rice men said. For some strange reason, Chinese music played from nowhere and they did a strange dance. When they stopped dancing and took a bow, Raven said, "Uh, you're from Wong's, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are."

"So," said the rice man as he and the second started tearing up the place, looking for the "winner". "Who's gonna get their dick ripped off tonight?"

"Well, he ain't here," Cyborg said.

"So who's not here?" asked the second rice man threateningly.

"Beast Boy...uh...the guy...it ain't happening to."

"So someone won," the first rice man said.

"I won," Starfire said, raising her hand. The rice men looked at her and raised their hooks. "EEK! But I gave it to the closest male customer!"

"So the MALE winner is here," the second rice man said.

"Please, leave," Raven said. Beast Boy's head popped out for a split second before being forced back in.

"Scratch off and win," the rice men said. "Every customer's a winner! One in three chances of getting your dick ripped off."

"Dudes," Robin said. "You're wasting your time. Nobody won that!"

"That's not what she said," the first rice man said, pointing his hook at Starfire threateningly.

"So who won it, toots?" the second rice man asked.

"Because somebody's dick is coming with us tonight!"

Starfire squealed in fright. "Hive Five! He's hiding with the Hive Five!"

The rice men took the elevator down and Raven slammed the door. "Good bye!" Then she whispered in her cloak, "They're gone, Garfield."

Beast Boy popped out. There was a look of horror on his face. "I have seen God. And He is not like how He's depicted in the Bible."

"Snap out of it!" shouted Robin, shaking him. "They're going to be back when they realize you're not there!"

Suddenly, Starfire poke her head out the window and shouted, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, he's over here!"

"Will you shut up!" shouted Raven, dragging her back.

"I'm sorry, I'm freaked out by them!"

"So, am I doomed?" Beast Boy trembled.

"It seems so," said Cyborg. "Apparently, when Starfire bought that soda, she entered a binding legal contract that enables them to rip off the dick of any male customer she gives the bottom of the cup to."

"Oh, no!"

"Yeah, and there's really nothing we can do."

(!)

Meanwhile, at the Hive Five's lair, the rice men had knocked out the Hive Five and were in the process of tearing the place apart. Suddenly, the first's phone rang. "Hello?"

A strange voice on the other line said, "Did you get the green one's dick?"

"We're working on it, Mr. Wong Burger."

(!)

In an unknown location, an alien shaped like a human dick with balls for feet and pubic hairs for arms and wearing a pair of huge square glasses looked over his blueprints for a "Dick Ship X72-T". "Finally, tonight," he said. "I will have enough dicks to complete the dick ship and return to Dick Planet."

"Yes, Mr. Wong Burger."

Wong Burger hung up the phone.

(!)

Beast Boy was panicking and began pacing back and forth. "What am I going to do?! They're going to come back any minute now!"

"What if..." asked Robin, thinking. "Nah, it's stupid."

"What?" asked Beast Boy. "I'll do anything to protect my Richard! ANYTHING!"

"Okay, but we'll need Raven's help for this."

(!)

Back at the Dick Ship, Wong Burger shouted at his rice men workers who were busy stacking up a pile of dicks, "Those dicks, somebody please stack them better!"

"The dicks won't hold together, Mr. Wong Burger," one of the rice men said.

"We're going to have to wrap these dicks with something," another said. "Maybe with a...a dick?"

Wong Burger got angry. "Are you telling me that I don't know dick?" No one responded to that. "If anyone knows how to build a ship out of dicks, it is me!"

"Yes, Mr. Wong Burger."

"BECAUSE I AM KING DICK!"

"We're missing a dick for the nose cone," another rice man said.

"The dick ship will never hold together," Wong Burger said. "What's taking them so long? That Tameranian girl and the green one entered a binding legal contract the moment they took a sip!"

"You don't think they're dicking around over there, do you?"

"I doubt it," Wong Burger said thoughtfully. "They're professional dick hunters. They crave dick. As we all do."

(!)

"Okay," Raven said. "The spell is complete."

"Whoa," said Beast Boy. His voice was slightly higher pitched. "Where did you get these demonic pain killers? They're awesome!"

"Yeah, you might want to take only one, otherwise you'll be addicted to them."

Beast Boy looked at himself in the mirror. He now had the body of a female now. He frowned. "You're right, Robin. This is a stupid idea."

"Hey," Cyborg said. "Beast Girl. Wow."

"I get it," Beast Girl said, laughing. "You put me under and you dressed me up like a woman and took pictures of me. Laughs are on me."

"Uh," said Raven. "You're not just dressed up as a woman."

Beast Girl blinked. "Oh, do go on."

"Well, I changed you entirely with the Gender Swap spell. It's required that I replace your dick with a...woman's parts."

"So," Beast Girl said, tugging her jumpsuit. "This wet spot, is this my..."

"Yep. And please, don't do that! It's inappropriate!"

Beast Girl was silent. "You are taking this pretty well, all things considered," Cyborg said. "Kudos."

"This kind of defeats the whole purpose, don't you think?" asked Beast Girl.

"You're right," said Robin. "And I just realized this is a big mistake."

Beast Girl turned red with anger. "You think I can have my dick back? Oh, wait, maybe you should keep it! So you can HUMP YOURSELF!" And she stormed out of the operating room.

"Technically," Cyborg said. "We won't be humping ourselves."

"Wait," Starfire pointed out the window. "You can still get your the dick out of the garbage!"

Indeed, the green dick was sitting in a trash can outside the tower. "Is that my dick?" asked Beast Girl. "Of course it is. It's got that curve on the right." At that moment, however, the rice men came back and snatched the dick. "NO! NO! COME BACK! DON'T LET THEM TAKE IT!"

"Hang on, hang on," said Robin. "Cyborg? You've got a big dick, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm not giving it to him!"

"But it's detachable! You can always build another one!"

"Fine. Who wants to see my dick?" He reached into his pelvis...and pulled out a picture of former president Richard M. Nixon. "Behold! Dick Nixon! Old Tricky Dick!"

"I got a better idea," said Raven.

(!)

Back at Wong Burger's lair, the dick alien was looking over the plans for his completed Dick Ship. "Are all the dicks cleaned?" he asked.

"All the dicks are polished, sir," a rice man said.

"Excellent. Probably just needs a couple more dick rotors. Maybe a dick wheel or two..."

"Yes, Mr. Wong Burger," another rice man said.

"And uh...do we have to fill up with some dicks?"

"Yes," said the first rice man. "We got a full tank of dicks."

"Full tank. Good, good. Wall to wall dick carpeting?"

"Yes, you've mentioned that, Mr. Wong Burger."

Just then, the Teen Titans came into the lair, having tracked down the rice men who stole Beast Boy's dick. "Ugh," Robin gagged. "Dicks! Everywhere I look, it's dicks!"

"Intruders!" shouted Mr. Wong Burger. "Stop them!"

"Close the dick gate!" the rice men ordered. They did so. But instead of a gate closing, a dozen dicks came raining down, all of which were easily avoided.

"What are you doing touching my dicks?!" demanded Wong Burger.

"You can't just go around ripping off people's dicks to make a giant dick ship," Cyborg said.

"I have an advanced degree in Dicknology!"

"You're a madman, Wong Burger," Raven said. "This ship will never fly!"

"Well, how else am I supposed to get home?"

"Call someone to pick you up!"

Wong Burger thought silently, then said out loud, "I will."

"So," said Starfire looking around the dick room. "How are we going to find Beast Boy's the dick in this mess?"

"We're not," said Raven.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed the other titans.

"Just come back home and I'll explain."

(!)

"You see?" said Raven as soon as they got back. "Some animals change sex from male to female in a singe sex environment."

Indeed, Beast Girl was back to being a Beast Boy. "Thank you, frog DNA!" he cheered. His voice was still rather feminine though. "Wait, what about my voice?"

"Oh, I magically added a third testicle to increase testosterone. I will have to remove it later. Otherwise, you will go mad with rage."

"Hey, check it out," Robin said, switching on the TV. "Someone is suing Wong Burger's!"

"Wong Burger could not be reached for comment," the reporter said. "As he left the press conference in a giant space ship made of dicks. Which crashed into a building made of dicks." The footage showed the dick ship flying into the dick building, destroying both. "Apparently, that's what the building was made of if you've seen it on the interstate. Clearly the work of a total uh..." The reporter paused, trying to think of a way to finish his sentence without making a dick pun. "You know, a total...uh...you know. Uh, what's the word I'm looking for here?"

"Guys," Starfire called out. "I find a good hotdog in the trash! Sitting right on top of two soggy walnuts." Everyone's eyes widened. "It's green, but it's still very tasty. Mmm. Still in the wrapper. I mean, there's hair on them, but if you brush them off, delicious!" Everyone reached for brown paper bags and started barfing as Starfire continued, "I think it's a blood sausage. I think the gum is blood flavored! Wait. Mmm...yep, definitely blood sausage."

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright: Adult Swim and Cartoon Network


End file.
